Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Randomize
