He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
