Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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