Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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