yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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