Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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