He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
