I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
