rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
