My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
You can't just leave with hair like that
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
