Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
