Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize