Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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