i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
