dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
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