she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
