i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
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