i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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