Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
everyone is single if you try hard enough
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
