It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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