Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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