Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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