I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Randomize
