Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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