K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Randomize
