I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
