i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
