Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
