Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I think my fart just growled at me.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
