I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
This gyro tastes like lonliness
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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