I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
You left your underwear on the fireplace
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
