If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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