i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
