my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
