Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
