Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Randomize
