Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Someone stole a lamp last night.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
