i jhust puked up my retainher.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
