pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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