Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
