He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
