did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
