You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
You pole danced in your parka.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
