No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
