Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
