I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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