She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
COCAINE IS GR8
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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