im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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