just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize