areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I want her autograph on my taint
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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