Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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