bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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