I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
