so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
