bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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