Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
