WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
