someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
