thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Lo siento on account of my penis...
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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