im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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