I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
