we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
