Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
