if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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