My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
