Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
