I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
