I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
