$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
