For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
