Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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