How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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