Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
