Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
