he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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