You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
