There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
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My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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