Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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