dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
