Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
