I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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