Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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