As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
