You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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