I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
