I just saw a hot homeless man
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
