is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
